Sunday, October 02, 2005

Journaling!

I have just figured out that my daily blog (the bits that I write about my day to day existence) are actual attempts at journaling. My daughter has journaled for years and I have always been envious. Now here I am actually journaling myself.

Today, I feel a little bit melancholy. Don't get me wrong, my life is filled with happiness. It's just this time of year is hard on me because I miss my mother so much. I wish I had her to talk to. I would love to tell her of all the things that have happened since she had to leave.

I have been having dreams about her lately and I have been thinking about her a lot. A long ago memory surfaced in my recollection and I would like to share it with you. I believe this memory occurred when I was approximately five or six years old.

I remember lying on one of the bleachers at Wahoma Ball Park while my two older brothers were playing Little League (my daddy was one of the coaches). It was a warm summer night and the field lights were glaring down on the baseball diamond. I was getting a little sleepy and I had sprawled out on the wooden bleacher with my head lying on my mother's thigh. She was wearing shorts and I lazily ran my hand up around under the bleachers seat, rubbing the palm of my hand up and down against the back of her leg. I could feel the soft prickle of fine stubble which had grown since she had last shaved her legs. It wasn't real prickly, more like soft fuzz. I had closed my eyes to lessen the glare of the field lights from across the other side of the ball field and in doing so, my sense of hearing, smell, and touch had become much more acute. I remember her thigh was soft and cool against the hot skin of my cheek and the scent of her, soft and sweet, just like perfume, engulfed me, lulling me into a sweet dream. I heard the summer night sounds in the background, the wind soughing through the trees, the music of the crickets and cicadas chirping, somewhat muting the louder noises coming from the players chattering on the field and the voices of the crowd rooting them on in the stands. I was so young, happy, innocent, unafraid, and carefree. I remember nothing else mattered to me other than I had my head lying in the lap of the most important person in the world to me. No one on earth has ever made me feel more special than my mother made me feel. She was the dearest person to me.

That moment in time is etched in my brain more than some 40 years later, and I remember it as if it happened yesterday. I wish I had my Momma here with me today, but she is gone and all I have are my memories. I bring them out from time to time, just to feel the aura of her presence surround me. Thoughts and memories of her are with me everyday and I miss her. I miss the friendship and companionship we shared.


Now that I have totally bored you with my reminiscing, I will sign off. I wish all of you a very wonderful weekend, what there is left of it.

2 comments:

Renee said...

What a sweet memory. You know your Momma is always with you in your heart. That's why she left you with so many memories. I know this is a hard time for you. But as long as you still have the memories, you still have her. Take care.

Jennifer said...

Hey Debbie
I think about Aunt Anita all the time. Especially starting in the fall getting ready for the holidays. She showed me alot about decorating and stuff.
But one think we do have his all the great times to remember about her.
Love ya
Jennifer