Sunday, March 26, 2006


This afternoon I rode up to Clanton to have a late lunch with my friends. We went to Heaton Pecan Farm. The food was good, but the company was wonderful! I ordered the pecan chicken plate which included a deviled egg, mandarin orange congealed salad, and a pear with Ritz crackers and sweet tea.

The girls Joan, Janice, Dianna, and Susan brought me a "Get Well" basket for my upcoming surgery. Linda was not able to be there.

The metal basket was painted with butterflies and was filled with goodies: dark chocolate, Andes mints, Poppycock, Pretzels, Combo's, hand-knitted booties, a towel, a mesh body sponge, a foot scrubber, lotions, swirly-shaped soap in an apothecary, soap, and hand-soap. Joan made me a home-made card and everyone signed their prayers and best wishes to me. I was very surprised and appreciative.

We had a passerby take our picture. Here it is:

From left to right is Joan, Dianna, Susan, me, and Janice

Calm, Cool, Collected and Composed. NOT!!!!!!

Why is it you can look so calm, cool, collected and composed on the outside, but really be freaking out in your mind. For all intents and purposes I look like any other normal person going about their business, when inside my brain it's a different story. I am fixating on things with such morbid thoughts, it takes my breath away.

You know the commercial with the guy or girl casually walking down the street listening to their walkman, but their shadows are dancing around wildly to the music. That's how I feel, but not dancing with music. It feels like, if you saw my shadow, I would be pulling at my hair and beating and/or slapping at myself, just going plain crazy.

I love to read, so to occupy my mind, I have been voraciously reading to keep from going nuts. I know I should not be feeling this way. Everything is going to be fine, but my mind says what if it doesn't go fine.

I took care of my mother for four months when she was dying. I loved doing that for her. But I also knew she was mortified by having to have someone (even if it was me, her own daughter) to take care of her. I really think I am ten times worse than her about that. I don't want something to happen to me that would cause my husband and my daughter to have to take care of me. I'm not afraid of dying, but I am deathly afraid of being physically dependent on other people (even the people that I know love me dearly) for life's necessities. It freaks me out just thinking about it.

I worry that maybe I could have gotten a better neurosurgeon (should I have gone to UAB or HealthSouth); how long I will be under the knife (they told me two hours); if the anesthesia will give me complications after surgery (I am allergic); if I will have temporary or permanent paralysis after surgery (they said not very likely); how long I will have to stay in the hospital (they told me one night); if it will be cancerous (won't know for approximately three weeks); if the tumor can reoccur (will have to have follow-up MRI's every year to check and see); and more than a hundred other dreadful thoughts all at once.

God will take care of me, no matter what the outcome, because He is with me always, and I place my trust in Him that all my needless worries are just wasteful thoughts inside my head.

Four days and counting 'til my surgery. I dread it. I have a low threshold for pain and don't like to be in the hospital. So what else is new!


Saturday, March 18, 2006

Weekend chores!

I am cleaning up the kitchen, washing clothes this Saturday morning and straightening up since Shannon is coming down for a few days. I hope to make some bead jewelry and scrapbook some this weekend as well. I guess that depends on how I am feeling.

I think Shannon and I might go to Wal-Mart tomorrow. I would like to buy some toner and 4x6 glossy paper (pack) for my PictureMate, but Wal-Mart doesn't have it, or at least my Wal-Mart doesn't. I may have to order it online. We don't really have a lot of groceries to buy, but a few items are getting low, so I guess we will make a trip.

Eddie is down at the shop making cricket cages. He thinks he might be able to sell them at the local bait and tackle shop for $5 each. They are made of plywood, hardware cloth, PVC pipe, and some heavy-duty wire for the handle. They are really neat. If we don't sell them, I guess I will decorate them up and give them as Christmas presents, LOL!!!! I will post a picture of them on a later blog.

Jeannie and Brandon were down here the other night and I took some hilarious pictures of Brandon in Eddie's boots. Eddie and Brandon were in high gear when Eddie started tickling Brandon. Here are some pictures:

It's good to see them interact with each other and recently Eddie found out that Brandon has started a coin collection. Eddie has a pretty extensive coin collection, so as Brandon gets older I hope that they find they have a lot in common and can spend time together, just Brandon and PawPaw, fishing; coin collecting; building and flying RC airplanes; and building things.

Eddie built a cupola for the gazebo. It really looks good. I will have to take a picture so ya'll can see it.

Until later then... Peace, Love and Ciao, baby!

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Not much happening!

Just waiting 'til the end of the month.

My daughter had a bad day today, because of a school friend of hers being in some bad trouble.

My husband said he worked his hiney off today and is very tired.

I had an okay day after I took a pain pill. I am having "pins and needles" type sensations over my middle back.

My dogs laid out in the sunshine today.

The chickens scrounged for food and grass all day.

The tulips are blooming and my tulip tree already lost it's blooms. I think the dogwoods will be just right for Easter. My azaleas we planted last year didn't do a thing.

My day in a nutshell... a pecan shell that is!

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

I have a new Link

When viewing this blog if you look over to the right-hand side of the screen you will see several links to websites that I think are worthy of viewing. The newest link is a forum regarding Spinal Cord Tumor Support.

Some of the diagnoses these people have are terrible. Mine sounds insignificant compared to theirs. Hopefully my surgery and recovery will be so as well.

I thought some of you who read my blog, if there are any, might want to look at some of the topics and replies these people are discussing.

Thanks for viewing...

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Blogging for blogging's sake

I haven't been blogging like I should. I haven't felt very good lately and I recently found out I have to have back surgery to remove a tumor from my spine. The surgery will be performed on Wednesday, March 29th at approximately 8:00a.m.

I have been feeling kind of sentimental lately, thinking about family, friends and things, and I just wanted to tell my family and friends how much I love them and how much it means to me that they love me and how I appreciate all the care and concern that they have shown me.

I guess I am a little worried about the surgery because of where the tumor is. It is pressing against my spinal cord. Hopefully, it will be an easy matter to remove it with no complications, but if you know me, you know that I am worried just because I worry over everything.

I have made peace about it and have given it over to God, but these niggling little worries just keep cropping up either in my sleep or when I am trying to fall asleep. I have asked God to take this from me, but in the minutes, hours before sleep finally comes I do have worrisome thoughts.

I have been thinking of Momma even more than I usually do since I found out I had to have surgery. You know there has not been one surgery that I have had that she has not been there, right by my side, holding my hand, telling me everything's going to be alright. My memories of her are so dear that I have a hard time coping with the fact that she is not here with me, but it is even more so now with this upcoming surgery.

I don't mean to diminish the life that I am living. I have a wonderful husband that I love dearly. I have absolutely the most beautiful, smart, witty, charming, loving daughter imaginable on this planet. I love living in the country with my dogs and chickens. I love my job. But, anyone who has known me for longer than three years knows that a large part of my life died when my Momma did. I miss her terribly. I wish she were here. She would know just what to say to make me feel better. I can hear her now, "Pull up your boot straps and quit wallering (wallowing) in your problems. There are people out there in much worse shape than you, so get over yourself. You have to make the best of the situation and not drown in self-pity."

Momma certainly didn't mince any words, but even though she told you like it was, you could tell by her look, demeanor, and touch, how much she loved you and that she wanted to take all the worry for you on herself so you could just focus on getting better. There is absolutely not a day (not even an hour) that I don't think about her. My brothers say that some things I say, or some things I do (like how I use my hands) remind them of her. I say, everything reminds me of her.

I am going to try and be a better blogger at least up until the 29th. I may have to be a few weeks away from blogging after that, unless I get my daughter to do my blogging for me. We will see...

The Four Question Challenge

1. List the people from your past who you would like to reconnect with through Email.( if only you could find them...) Shae, Barbara, Sally, and Sherri

2. List the companies you wish you owned. Microsoft (oh to have as much money as Bill Gates); Harpo Productions (oh to have as much money as Oprah Winfrey); Trump Enterprises (oh to have as much money as Donald Trump). Do you see a pattern here? LOL

3. List the things you do to defy aging. Laugh often and love much. I also cream up with lotion on my face, elbows, knees, and feet.

4. List what you do to snap out of a bad mood. Watch a comedy, take a walk outside in my hayfield, play with my puppies, snuggle with my husband, and/or talk with my daughter.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

A New LO and news about my doctor's visit

The LO quote reads: Flowers are words which even a babe may understand. These pictures were taken in front of MawMaw's house at 1616. The stone ducks in front of the birdbath would scare Shannon and she would turn around and look at them saying, "gitcha, gitcha, gitcha." The story surrounding the two bottom pictures, Shannon had picked one of momma's azaleas and was plucking the petals off when Momma started saying, "He loves me, He loves me not..." For some reason that got Shannon's giggle box turned over. It is a very cherished memory of mine.

Regarding my doctor's visit, Dr. Kendrick said that he needed a MRI of my thoracic spine to determine if there may be some radicular pain extending out from my right ribcage around to my side. He stated if the MRI showed nothing he could offer no diagnosis except maybe shingles. I don't think I have shingles. We will have to wait until next Tuesday for the results.