Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Oh Crikeys! Drats, Drats, Double Drats!

I remembered I have to go to the dentist today.

It is just for a semi-annual teeth cleaning, but (shudder) I have to listen to Dr. Doom in the next room with his drill digging away at someone else's teeth just the same. I hate the sound of the drill and the smell of excavated, hot powdered teeth enamel. I have nightmares about the dentist.

If I am not highly intoxicated on laughing gas, when the denitst comes in the room, I curl up into a tight ball balancing precariously at the head of the chair as far away from Dr. Dread as I can possibly get. And I am not exxagerating. I cannot stand the dentist. All of them are my sworn mortal enemies.

When I was young, my dentist, Dr. Frankenstein, would hum "Old McDonald had a Farm" as he drilled on my teeth. With every pulse of the drill he would sing E - I - E - I - O. Was he totally insane? I hate that song, really I do.

Every macbre and sinister evil you can think of is how I feel about the dentist. Even the hygienist is not "hygh" on my list either. She picks and scrapes with those needle-like torture instruments, clawing away at my sensitive pink, innocent gums, saying open wider. And I swear every time I go in there, she accidentally (on purpose) sprays my face with water. EVERY TIME! What did I ever do to her?

Then, if that's not bad enough, they try and rob you as you go out. The clerk/receptionist should wear a bandana over her lower face, black cowboy hat and holster with a gun, because it's highway robbery every time you visit. Luckily, I have good dental insurance coverage, but it's still a crime what they charge. I say they should have to pay me for the priviledge of digging in my mouth.

I ought to just go ahead and "Bite the Bullet," get false teeth and quit worrying about all the pain, but people have told me that is no "picnic" either. So you're darned if you do, and darned if you don't. Either way they have got you over a barrel, and you can't get away from the likes of Dr. Pain, not if you want a pretty smile, that is.

Wish me luck. I cringe to think what I will do if he says I have to come back because I have a cavity. Most of my teeth have crowns already, so where could I possibly have a cavity?, but if I know Dr. Death, he will find a way to have me re-visit to inflict more pain.

Can't you see the pure terror in my eyes? Oh my, what am I gonna do?

9 comments:

Insane Mama said...

ugh, I hate the dentist

Ashley said...

Congratulations on your 'saucy' blog!!

Aaron and Stephanie Shumway (and family) said...

Oh no! Show some love for the dentists! (My hubby just applied to dental school) I have another doctor to fear- the GYN, who I am visiting tonight. bleh. Cute blog! And congrats on the weight loss- That's AWESOME!

Darla said...

Hey Debbie...Give us dental people a break here! That is all I know is dental procedures. I think I could prep a crown and do a root canal with my eyes closed!!! I have seen to many dental procedures
:0{ HELP ME PLEASE! I have no life!
Love ya anyways LOL
darlene

momto1 said...

I had a terrible experience with a dentist too. It has taken years (and a great new dentist) for me to put it behind me! I only hope that I don't pass my fear along to my son--which is why I make him brush like CRAZY!!

GingerJar said...

At the prison we had a denist who's name was Dr. Hurt...it was too funny. He was always trying to tell the inmates they didn't need pain med's he would hypnotize them.....hahahahah....

FarmGirl said...

I hear ya....the dentist is worse than fingernails going down a chalkboard!! YIKES...makes my hair stand on end!!

Ok...I have finally been able to take a big "bite" out of your blog...and it is rather tasty!! Congrats on your weightloss...you look fantastic!! You have such a great smile too! Thanks for keeping me on "speed-blog", you are now officially added to mine too!! Oh, and YEE HAW!!!!!!!!!!!
(lol)

Ronnica said...

What's up with the dentist? I went today after going too long without. Sure enough, I had 4 cavities. How come I only had 1 as a kid?? I don't mind the visit all that much, but I DON'T like being a grown up and having to pay for it!

Ronnica said...

Oh, I also meant to say: congrats on being a saucy blog this week!