It's that time of year again!

Late summer, early fall (but not fall yet) causes me to have sinus infections. I woke up this morning sneezing. My throat is scratchy and my ears; my nose is burning and my eyes and ears are itching. So I am whining and don't feel good.

So I have used up a box of tissues and am slathered with Vicks. Eddie won't come near me. I am not a happy camper.

Happy Birthday to You, Momma!

Today would have been my momma's 74th birthday (DOB: 9-13-32), but she passed away on 01-02-03. I just wanted to say Happy Birthday and that I was thinking of her on her birthday.

It's hard to lose your mother and it is also extremely hard to lose your best friend, but when those two are embodied into one person, it is the most sorrowful experience to deal with and the aftermath with which you must cope all alone is devastating.

I only know that I don't know what I would have done without my daughter during that time. She now is my confidante and best friend.

With God, Shannon (my daughter), and my husband Eddie, I can handle the difficulties that life, here on Earth, throws at me.

Happy Birthday Momma! You know I will always love you.

My Thoughts and Prayers

A lot of things have come at me recently which have deflated my will to accomplish anything. In other words, I am in a blue funk. This time of year is bad for me anyways, and I tend to get very melancholy, but now there is a new enemy that I must pray and ask God to make go away.

It's a hard lesson to accept, when you learn that you are not in control. Everyday we make decisions, deluding ourselves into thinking that we are in control of our lives. Maybe that's my mistake, I shouldn't begin to imagine that I have any authority over my life. Even though I know in my heart that God is in control; in my mind, I still have thoughts that I have some inkling of power over what happens in my life. However, recently, I have come to the realization that this is not the case and that I am going to have to let go of everything. I have yet to do that, even after everything that happened almost four years ago, I have yet to do that.

Right here and now, I am going to let myself go and float on the river of Peace that God will send me and quit worrying about the details. God knows I love Him and He will ease all my burdens, if I will just let Him. The problem is, I don't think I have ever really let Him before now. May be that is the lesson He has been trying to teach me and I haven't been listening.

God, please let me rest in Your arms and lay all my worries and burdens at Your feet. I pray that You will give me peace and comfort from all that I foresee as my enemy. I ask for Your protection, both physically and mentally, to strengthen my resolve; behind Your shield and armor, from all earthly pestilences, sin and despair. I pray that You would ease my heart from imagined hurts and busy my mind from all ill-conceived possibilities. I pray that You will give me the reasoning and wisdom to open my heart so that I am able to place all my trust in You, and lean on You. I pray that You show me how to live my life and allow me to live it, so that others may see You in me.

Poem

NONCHALANCE

Perhaps his nonchalance is just a facade,

and he is only pretending to be God's

gift to women.

When really his head is swimming

with the same insecure doubts

that you battle with day in and day out.

Look at him through different eyes

and see that he too cries

for the same things that you want and need.

Maybe then and only then will your heart not bleed.

Some dreams don't come true

Some dreams don't come true and that should not be considered a bad thing. Our lives follow twists and turns on the journey road to our future. One minute we see the future clearly, straight ahead, exactly as we have planned it and the next minute something changes and we are looking at something completely different altogether. It may be we were uprooted in our plans because that was not the right path we should have been following. But being such resilient human specimens as we are, we pull up our boot straps and carry on in the new path that has been set before us.

We could imagine it as God choregraphing us in this big dance production number and we keep trying to tap out our own little steps and He has to keep bringing us back to His original routine. So when we dream for something and it doesnt come true, that doesnt mean our lives are shattered and not worth living, it just means that we should dream another dream and perhaps, if it is God's design for us, it will come true.

My dream is for health, happiness, and prosperity for my family and friends in all that they endeavor. I pray that God will enrich our lives and bless us with His wisdom in choosing the right paths to follow on the road of life, that He keep us safe from harm and evil, and that we will continue to seek refuge in His loving arms. I also pray that He would heal our hurts and sicknesses so that we may grow stronger in His love and become more effective witnesses for His son.